No. 3.0: Returning To My Dreams
In 2017, I turned the big 3-0 which was a big deal for me. It was a time for me to reflect on all that I had accomplished up until that point. I was literally living my dreams. So I thought. I must admit that I was not happy. I did not enjoy my job. I would walk into the office putting this imaginary shield of armor on to protect what was left of my peace of mind. Although I knew I accomplished quite a bit, I still felt like I was not where I wanted to be in my personal life nor career.
That year I took a big trip to Tanzania and lived my best life. I went snorkeling in the Indian Ocean, although I can’t swim. I stood along a road in front of a field of sunflowers to look at Mount Kilimanjaro peaking through the clouds. I ate the most delicious meals and indulged in the most fresh fruit I had ever laid eyes on. We slept in a villa that opened to the sounds of the ocean waves crashing against each other throughout the night. I can still see how clear the moon was as it shined bright over the water as we took pictures on the beach. To this day it has been the best vacation I have experienced. You would think that after such a trip that I would feel refreshed. Unfortunately I didn’t. I still had to return to the same spaces that caused me to hide behind my imaginary shield of armor. I eventually hit my breaking point prompting me to take another trip to spend with myself to figure what was missing. This time I went home.
That’s when it hit me. I was stuck in this rut because I had forgotten about all of the things I used to dream of. I was in the cycle of getting a college degree, finding a job, paying bills and taking a vacation every now and then. Now I'm not complaining. I'm grateful for all that I have been provided, however I forgot about what I used to love to do. I loved to write, draw and dance until my feet hurt. As a kid, you could catch me sitting in front of the TV watching “This Old House” and interior design shows. I wanted a saw table because I just knew I would be building my own furniture someday. I would stare with sparkles in my eyes at the buildings aligning whatever downtown area we were driving through wondering why someone would just leave the buildings abandoned! They could be used for something, right? I vaguely recall visiting family in this big beautiful blue house and running my fingers along the interior wallpaper. It was vibrant and textured. I was completely fascinated by the wallpaper in this old grandiose house with high ceilings. I always had this grand idea of building homes, hospitals and schools for the Black community and in Africa. That was how I figured I could contribute to paying it forward. (Please keep in mind I was just a kid. My naivete kept me in a fantasy world. I am almost a little embarrassed to share that. LOL.) Someone even laughed at me for saying I wanted to be an interior designer someday. Nonetheless, these were all the things that sparked my interest. It was my joy before I knew what joy was.
By the end of 2017, I made the decision to return to these memories and make them a part of my present reality. So that's where my journey to preservation began. Previously, I didn’t know that those communities I wanted to build and those old buildings I wondered about were a part of the field of work I was close to but not yet familiar with. From there I started searching.
